While we are conjuring up some new stories for all of you lovely Shannah Punims and Boychiks here are some fun accessories that capture your Jewish identity.
Don't you just love when you're out in public and some random person comes up to you and says "Ooh! I love you hamsa!!"? We know we do!! Hey, Maybe even wearing Judaic jewelry will bring you luck in the love department!! Ashem works in mysterious way....so they say!
What is your favorite piece of jewelry or accessory that you have that symbolizes Judaism? Let us know! We'd love to hear the mini story behind it!
The ultimate question .. Should a guy bring a girl flowers (or a small gift) on a first date?
This topic seems to be one that holds a lot of opinions so D&L are going to give you a story or two on this topic.
BY L:Recently, I met a guy who on our first date brought me a dozen red roses. We talked on the phone the night before and I casually said, "I love the little things." When I met him he handed me this bouquet of gorgeous roses (not the kind that you pick up at a grocery store that might be four days old!) and he said "I know that you said you like the little things". My first thought was,"Wow! A guy that actually listens to what I say and acts on the little things? How sweet! " It wasn't until I was driving home after the date that I started thinking about flowers or a gift on a first date. No guy has done this for me before so it wasn't really something I had thought about a lot or in fact, something I was used to. I know a lot of girls dream of a guy bringing roses(or flowers in general) on a first date. Other's may think it's absurd.
BY D: I once dated a guy for a year who knew I loved flowers along with the little things in life. The day of our date he called me to make sure it was still on for that evening. I was on the elevator in my building during the conversation and as I walked off I saw a delivery guy standing outside this girls door with a very large bouquet of flowers. I tend to think aloud, so on the phone I said "O-M-G, THAT IS SO NICE!!" As I passed the girls door she started to tear up because the flowers were from her boyfriend with a note that read, "Can't wait to see you tonight!" (I was friendly with the girl so she later called me over to her apt to look at the note and flowers) During this whole scene that sounds like it comes right out of a movie - the guy who i was going out on a date with who soon after became my boyfriend asked me what was going on because i wasn't paying attention to what he was saying...:::laughs:::...I told him the story when I got back to my apartment.
Well, that night when he came to pick me up he came empty handed, I was a little put off only because I am a very old fashioned girl but I didn't take it too seriously. Our date was going great! Food was tasty, conversation was flowing, when all of a sudden he sees a a couple greeting each-other at the restaurant with the guy having a small bouquet of flowers in hand. I tell my date how adorable I think it is when he says to me; "Ya know, i was going to bring you flowers tonight but after the whole thing that happened in your apartment building I didn't want to anymore! I thought you may have been saying this to me in order for me to buy you flowers, like you were underhandedly telling me what to do" WELL, I looked at him like he was insane and told him that that was absurd!!! he started to laugh and told me on the next date he would. Long story short, after that first date, the subject of the little things was a very soar topic, for some odd reason! He always told me how he HATED giving flowers because they die and he didn't want to spend the money on something that's going to die! I kept telling him that I didn't care, it was the gesture that girls like myself love. But he wasn't hearing it. I just let it go after a while because I was really into him, but in the end when I had major surgery and he never sent me flowers...(only a pillow for a seven year old) I had to say goodbye! (don't get me wrong there were other reasons too)
I went out on a date with a French guy and on the first date he brought me one white rose. So sweet! But I think in the end he just wanted one thing, if you know what I mean! When I didn't go home with him that night, I never heard form him again! But HEY, flowers will not make me feel more compelled to go home with someone, ESPECIALLY ON THE FIRST DATE!!
LADIES!!!!
Everyone has a different opinion on this. Some girls that I have asked said that flowers on the first date is really special, a gentlemanly gesture to show how much he cares. Those are the girls who probably dream of a guy doing this! Others (the majority) who I have asked think it is a desperate act. Is bringing a girl flowers a way to ensure that the guy sees them again? Is it a way of guilt tripping them so that they would feel obligated to go out with you again?
One friend is completely opposed to this, saying that she would be embarrassed to walk into a restaurant with flowers from a guy, let alone one that you just started talking to. I don't know if we would use the word embarrassing but we think any girl would feel pretty special receiving or walking into a restaurant with bouquet in hand, from her date.
Although we think it is such a sweet and gentleman like thing to do, bringing a girl flowers (or a gift) on the first date some girls will think is too much. After all, second date cannot be forced.
That is probably something a lot of girls have to decide on. Now all of us girls and guys a like can agree to disagree, BUT I (L) think flowers are more meaningful on a fourth or fifth date, maybe as a I really like you type of thing and I want to date you exclusively.
I (D) agree with you (L) to a point! I think that when a guy shows up on the first date with flowers, even if its just one single Gerber Daisey, shows that he is making an effort! I think now a days when people think about the idea of someone making an effort it is looked upon as desperation. In the case of the flower, I do not think that this is desperation. If a guy shows up in a horse and buggy, with a bottle of champagne, and a personal violinist to serenade us, then yes THAT WOULD BE DESPERATION SCREAMING OUT LOUD!
(L) - The flowers should mean something. Although I think flowers are too much on a first date, there are exceptions! In this world with a lot of online dating, there are long distance relationships (which is for another post!). Say a girl in New York City is talking to a guy in Florida for a couple of months (coming from an online dating site) and they talk every day, whether it is online or on the phone, it would probably be more acceptable for the guy to bring flowers or a small gift (that means something). These two people have been talking for such a long time and they probably would feel like they already know each other. You truly like to this person and see their pictures and have grown to care about them and you're finally meeting them .. A small gift or flowers is definitely a nice gesture! Don't you think?!?!
Gentleman!
Now, the majority of guys who I have talked to about this say they would not bring the girl anything on a first date. Some of you ladies might say, Oh that is ridiculous .. Where is the chivalry? Well .. Here is what they had to say.
A good guy friend of mine said:
"Bringing a girl flowers or any gift for that matter on a first date shows that he is probably desperate or he wants to show off. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice thing to do but over the top on a first date".
Another guy said,
"Flowers on the first date is tacky and overdone. I don't think a gift on the first date is good. Too presumptuous. Second date should be something that was brought up in conversation or "this made me think of you"!" (DM)
Another guy:
" Flowers are for apologetic purposes only. If you get them flowers on the first date, then by the fifth they will be expecting diamonds..." (ML)
ML, We don't think flowers are for apologetic purposes only! Other wise the whole floral industry would be dead! :::laughs:::
Chivalry is such a broad topic (Which we will definitely get into another time) and we definitely think some guys should be more chivalrous!!! HELLO, chivalry is not dead!! Whether you believe it or not, girls like when you hold the door, pull out their chair, etc.
We think a great first date entails having a nice time, laughing, being able to open up and talk to the person, sharing common interests AND as long as the guy makes an attempt to open the door, pay for lunch or dinner (on the first date), and is respectful, that is enough chivalry for one time! Flowers can come on the first date but small gifts should definitely come later, if they come at all! You can agree or disagree!
Opinions, Opinions! Ladies,
Would you be completely turned off by a guy giving you flowers or a gift on the first date OR would you be flattered and think it is a gentlemanly thing to do? WHY?
Gentleman, would you bring a girl flowers (or a gift) on a first date? What would your intentions be for doing this? OR do you disagree with this gesture and think it is a way for a guy to show off or ensure another date? WHY??
We want your opinions, comments, and examples! We know that you all have them!!
Hey ladies and gents! So, from the last time we spoke, we determined that online dating has become oh so popular, especially Jdate for Jewish singles. Although much of this world is now technology based (which can be great, especially with the internet) anyone, whether you are a guy or a girl have to take caution when you are participating on an online dating site. Besides the obvious precautions of online dating such as not giving out your address and your last name until you really know the person, we all wonder, "is the person behind that computer screen real, or are they a sixty year old petafile pretending to be the 6’0” tall, dark and handsome, successful, financial analyst from Manhattan?" Who knows!
About a year ago, I was talking to a guy for a couple of months before we met (it was long distance). For a moment during a phone call, I thought "What if this guy is a sixty year old man just saying that he is a 28 year old business man from Florida?" Yes, we were friends on Facebook, which can pretty much assure you that the person is real and who they say they are. Especially if they have a good amount of pictures online and if they have tons of friends writing to them .. BUT, you never know with anyone anymore!
I was very curious to meet this guy who I have talked to on the phone for a couple of hours almost every day, yet at the same time, I was nervous that he would not be who he says he is. In the midst of parking the car, looking around for him, wondering if he was in the restaurant, or outside waiting for me, I saw him and it was such a relief that this guy was in fact who he said he was and he wasn’t a serial rapist. After we said hi and exchanged a big hug, he said "Wow, you really are who you said you are" and I said the same thing to him! Yes, he was the guy who I saw in pictures on Facebook and much to my surprise, he resembled his pictures exactly! This does not always happen when you meet people from online dating websites. We had a great time and we had Jdate to thank!
Another great thing about online and long distance dating is that you can get to know someone and really build a great emotional bond and that is a foundation for a great relationship, if it works out (But we’ll get more into that in another post!)
The question is, How do we know the person who we are talking to (guy or girl) is real and who they say they are? Well, you don’t! Until you meet in person you will not know if the person is who they say they are. Yes, you might talk to them on the phone and see their pictures on Facebook but that doesn’t mean it is the same person as their profile shows on Jdate or any other dating website.
Here’s another interesting story for y’all! I was recently talking to a guy who lived nearby and after we exchanged a couple of emails via Gmail (after emailing on Jdate, of course!) he admitted that he wrote from a fake email address to make sure that I am “not crazy”. He then went and emailed me from his “real” email address.
Do you think the guy has to be more cautious in who he talks to and what information he gives out?
I think the girl should be more cautious in giving her email address out, her phone number, and any other information, especially because of awful incidents that have happened in this crazy world.
The guy I was just talking about - his entire Jdate profile seemed shady. He said that he grew up in Washington but when I asked him he said that he in fact grew up in New York City, and that must have been a typo. Hmmmm, writing Washington when you really meant to write NYC is a typo? I don’t think so! He said under occupation, “complicated”.
The bottom line everyone is this: anyone, anywhere can say anything that they want, whether they are online, on the phone or in person. We do have to put our trust in some people as we date especially when it's online, so be careful!
What are your experiences with these guys?
Have you been lied to like this, that you are aware of on online dating sites?
Have you met a guy in person from an online dating site and was completely shocked at how they looked (Compared to their pictures)??
So girls, we just heard how dating in the burbs can be difficult! But let us now take those factors and multiply them by 10 and we are left with a sum of an even harder time to find Mr. Perfect. Although his looks may be 100% GQ his attitude is 100% PEEE-YEWW!! There are approximately 1,629,054 who populate Manhattan and only 20% of them are Jewish. It is a known fact there there are more women in this world than men so, if you take these factors into consideration Men have a lot more of us ladies to choose from than we have of them! Now, doesn't this sound very unfair? Well such is life! :::thumbs down:::
After living in the city that never sleeps for a little over 4 years I have had my fare share of observing how guys work. Now, I am not saying that all the guys in Manhattan are scum-bags but I have seen and heard a lot of crazyness! I have this little theory that I sort of believe is more factual than hypathetical! Are you ready to hear it? You sure? Alright, well here it is!
According to J.Z. and Alicia Keys, New York is a concrete jungle where dreams are made of! It is a city that is very fast paced and competitive, where everyone is striving for the best of the best. Well, I think this holds true for relationships and dating in the Ol' Big Apple! Because everyone is constantly on the go and searching for the next best thing, men who are in relationships don't always take the time to realize what they have! What they have (the girl) could be the best thing they will ever find in their entire life! But, because they strive for the best, they may not realize it until it is too late...when they have already broken it off with that girl to find something they think will be better! This is extreemly unfortunate! I am sure there are women out there that do this too, but I have heard more stories from women regarding this matter. I have also experienced it myself.
Also, My experience in finding a Nice Jewish Boy out and about in NYC is that they are either NOT Jewish, taken, gay, or (to put it nicely) A JERK!
Meeting guys in clubs and bars is usually not the best way to go out finding your NJB! The club scene and bar scene in NYC is usually for people wanting to take someone home with them that same night, not for serious relationships. However, it does sometimes work. I have a few friends who have met their boyfriends of a few years at bars. But like I keep stating, this doesn't always work.You can also join organizations like YJP (Young Jewish Professionals). They hold a lot of mixers within different industries where young Jewish professionals can get together and meet each other. I have attended a couple of these events. A majority of the guys are just looking to get laid! But I still enjoy going and meeting all different types of people because I am just a very social person. I have also made great some contacts and friends at these events!
A great alternative that was mentioned in the previous post could be Jdate! I know many men and women who have found their basheirt on this dating site, MAZEL TOV to you! But for many New Yorkers Jdate is an alternative to going to a bar and finding a hook up! This makes me angry! Young Jewish men and women should not abuse a website that many people are taking seriously! I have my fare share of personal Jdate stories that I will leave for another time!
If any of you live in the suburbs you would probably agree, it is very difficult to find a nice guy, whether he is Jewish or not. Where would you go to meet that nice guy? A bar? A club? A restaurant? Probably not! The guys that you usually see in these places are either with their significant others, or so drunk that you wouldn't waste your time getting to know them even if you are looking for a guy who is somewhat mature, yet fun to go out with. Recently, I went to a book signing to see Jill Zarin, one of the Real Housewives of New York City, her mother, Gloria, and her sister, Lisa Wexler. They wrote a book called Secrets of a Jewish Mother(Which by the way, is a must read!).
They have a chapter in the book on dating, but someone in the audience asked Gloria where she thinks you should go to meet a nice, Jewish guy. Gloria did not hesitate for one second when she answered, "The driving range!" Is it true? Can you meet a nice guy (of any religion) at a driving range or a country club? That is something to try! Gloria also mentioned, as many of you probably already know, online dating has become a worldwide sensation among singles. Match.com, JDate.com, EHarmony.com have all become popular dating sites in the past few years. Is this the new matchmaking tool of the twenty-first century? Since we are talking about Jewish dating, the answer is YES! Jdate is a great place to start!
So yes, It IS challenging to meet a nice, normal Jewish guy in the suburbs (or at least in CT!), although it is NOT impossible. But, if you're not a bar, club, or lounge type of person who walks up to a guy or a girl and asks them for their number than it is probably close to impossible. Unless that is, you are set up on the ultimate, scary, blind date by a friend or relative. Dating in a city can also prove to be challenging for people who are not into the bar and club scene (for the purpose of meeting guys).
Soooo, the number one hot spot for Jewish singles to meet is JDate! JDate has an exuberant number of members, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Even though you can select what you're looking for such as a date, a friend, an activity partner, a long term relationship, or marriage and children, what do these things mean? Does a friend mean? That a relationship in the long run is off limits? What does an activity partner actually mean? Are they looking for someone to go rock climbing with or are they just looking for a random hook up? Are the guys who are looking for marriage and children that serious about it that they are going to line up girls at the local Starbucks for interviews as potential girlfriends or wives, or does that just mean they want to date slowly with the intentions of eventually getting married?
Everyone is thinking about these things as they are creating their profiles. What do you want from an online dating site? This is seriously something to think about because honesty is the number one component of a relationship. Don't put that you want a long term relationship when you are actually just looking to hook up. Hmmmm! That brings up a good point! Honesty in online dating? We'll have to tackle that one next time! Yes, JDate has led to numerous relationships and marriages (See the success stories on the site), but is that what most guys are on there for? A guy that I met said according to his friends in Long Island, "JDate is hook up central."
Your thoughts? How do you perceive Jdate (Or any other online dating site) and the people on it? Do you agree, disagree, and why? We want to hear your opinions and experiences too!
Are you tired of going out with your girlfriends, going to shull (temple), or Jdating and coming out only finding those "not so nice Jewish boys"? Well we are too!! I am sure you have asked yourself, "WHERE ARE THEY????" many times before and like you so have we!! Trust us, we feel as though either all the nice Jewish guys are either already snatched up or like to wear more make-up than we do! :::wink, wink:::
"Life, Love, and The Nice Jewish Boy...?" is a tell all and advice blog catering to all the Nice Jewish Girls out there looking for their Basheirt! After dating many Jewish guys in the metro NY,NJ & CT area and only coming out with free dinners and sometimes broken hearts we feel like it is our duty to tell our stories to all of you to let you know...you are not the only ones. In favor, maybe you'll get a few laughs out of it and some insite on what to do and what not to do.
AND TO YOU GUYS OUT THERE WHO MAY BE READING THIS... Maybe you will learn what you are doing wrong and realize how to fix it and make it right in your own dating lives! That would be a Machiya!!
WE LOVE FEEDBACK! SO PLEASE COMMENT AND POST YOUR THOUGHTS, STORIES, AND ADVICE to help our mission of having all us Nice Jewish Girls find our Nice Jewish Boys!!
