Flowers/ Gifts on a First Date: Dating Desperation or a Gentlemanly Gesture?

The ultimate question .. Should a guy bring a girl flowers (or a small gift) on a first date? 

This topic seems to be one that holds a lot of opinions so D&L are going to give you a story or two on this topic.

BY L: Recently, I met a guy who on our first date brought me a dozen red roses. We talked on the phone the night before and I casually said, "I love the little things." When I met him he handed me this bouquet of gorgeous roses (not the kind that you pick up at a grocery store that might be four days old!) and he said "I know that you said you like the little things". My first thought was, "Wow! A guy that actually listens to what I say and acts on the little things? How sweet! " It wasn't until I was driving home after the date that I started thinking about flowers or a gift on a first date. No guy has done this for me before so it wasn't really something I had thought about a lot or in fact, something I was used to. I know a lot of girls dream of a guy bringing roses(or flowers in general) on a first date. Other's may think it's absurd. 

BY D: I once dated a guy for a year who knew I loved flowers along with the little things in life. The day of our date he called me to make sure it was still on for that evening. I was on the elevator in my building during the conversation and as I walked off I saw a delivery guy standing outside this girls door with a very large bouquet of flowers. I tend to think aloud, so on the phone I said "O-M-G, THAT IS SO NICE!!" As I passed the girls door she started to tear up because the flowers were from her boyfriend with a note that read, "Can't wait to see you tonight!" (I was friendly with the girl so she later called me over to her apt to look at the note and flowers) During this whole scene that sounds like it comes right out of a movie - the guy who i was going out on a date with who soon after became my boyfriend asked me what was going on because i wasn't paying attention to what he was saying...:::laughs:::...I told him the story when I got back to my apartment.

Well, that night when he came to pick me up he came empty handed, I was a little put off only because I am a very old fashioned girl but I didn't take it too seriously. Our date was going great! Food was tasty, conversation was flowing, when all of a sudden he sees a a couple greeting each-other at the restaurant with the guy having a small bouquet of flowers in hand. I tell my date how adorable I think it is when he says to me; "Ya know, i was going to bring you flowers tonight but after the whole thing that happened in your apartment building I didn't want to anymore! I thought you may have been saying this to me in order for me to buy you flowers, like you were underhandedly telling me what to do" WELL, I looked at him like he was insane and told him that that was absurd!!! he started to laugh and told me on the next date he would. Long story short, after that first date, the subject of the little things was a very soar topic, for some odd reason! He always told me how he HATED giving flowers because they die and he didn't want to spend the money on something that's going to die! I kept telling him that I didn't care, it was the gesture that girls like myself love. But he wasn't hearing it. I just let it go after a while because I was really into him, but in the end when I had major surgery and he never sent me flowers...(only a pillow for a seven year old) I had to say goodbye! (don't get me wrong there were other reasons too)

I went out on a date with a French guy and on the first date he brought me one white rose. So sweet! But I think in the end he just wanted one thing, if you know what I mean! When I didn't go home with him that night, I never heard form him again! But HEY, flowers will not make me feel more compelled to go home with someone, ESPECIALLY ON THE FIRST DATE!!

LADIES!!!!

Everyone has a different opinion on this. Some girls that I have asked said that flowers on the first date is really special,  a gentlemanly gesture to show how much he cares. Those are the girls who probably dream of a guy doing this! Others (the majority) who I have asked think it is a desperate act. Is bringing a girl flowers a way to ensure that the guy sees them again? Is it a way of guilt tripping them so that they would feel obligated to go out with you again?

One friend is completely opposed to this, saying that she would be embarrassed to walk into a restaurant with flowers from a guy, let alone one that you just started talking to. I don't know if we would use the word embarrassing but we think any girl would feel pretty special receiving or walking into a restaurant with bouquet in hand, from her date.

Although we think it is such a sweet and gentleman like thing to do, bringing a girl flowers (or a gift) on the first date some girls will think is too much. After all, second date cannot be forced. 

That is probably something a lot of girls have to decide on. Now all of us girls and guys a like can agree to disagree, BUT I (L) think flowers are more meaningful on a fourth or fifth date, maybe as a I really like you type of thing and I want to date you exclusively. 

I (D) agree with you (L) to a point! I think that when a guy shows up on the first date with flowers, even if its just one single Gerber Daisey, shows that he is making an effort! I think now a days when people think about the idea of someone making an effort it is looked upon as desperation. In the case of the flower, I do not think that this is desperation. If a guy shows up in a horse and buggy, with a bottle of champagne, and a personal violinist to serenade us, then yes THAT WOULD BE DESPERATION SCREAMING OUT LOUD!  

(L) - The flowers should mean something. Although I think flowers are too much on a first date, there are exceptions! In this world with a lot of online dating, there are long distance relationships (which is for another post!). Say a girl in New York City is talking to a guy in Florida for a couple of months (coming from an online dating site) and they talk every day, whether it is online or on the phone, it would probably be more acceptable for the guy to bring flowers or a small gift (that means something). These two people have been talking for such a long time and they probably would feel like they already know each other. You truly like to this person and see their pictures and have grown to care about them and you're finally meeting them .. A small gift or flowers is definitely a nice gesture! Don't you think?!?!

Gentleman!

Now, the majority of guys who I have talked to about this say they would not  bring the girl anything on a first date. Some of you ladies might say, Oh that is ridiculous .. Where is the chivalry? Well .. Here is what they had to say.

A good guy friend of mine said:

"Bringing a girl flowers or any gift for that matter on a first date shows that he is probably desperate or he wants to show off. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice thing to do but over the top on a first date".  

Another guy said,  

"Flowers on the first date is tacky and overdone. I don't think a gift on the first date is good. Too presumptuous. Second date should be something that was brought up in conversation or "this made me think of you"!"  (DM)

Another guy:

" Flowers are for apologetic purposes only. If you get them flowers on the first date, then by the fifth they will be expecting diamonds..." (ML)

ML, We don't think flowers are for apologetic purposes only! Other wise the whole floral industry would be dead! :::laughs:::

Chivalry is such a broad topic (Which we will definitely get into another time) and we definitely think some guys should be more chivalrous!!! HELLO, chivalry is not dead!! Whether you believe it or not, girls like when you hold the door, pull out their chair, etc.

We think a great first date entails having a nice time, laughing, being able to open up and talk to the person, sharing common interests AND as long as the guy makes an attempt to open the door, pay for lunch or dinner (on the first date), and is respectful, that is enough chivalry for one time! Flowers can come on the first date but small gifts should definitely come later, if they come at all! You can agree or disagree!

Opinions, Opinions! Ladies, 

• Would you be completely turned off by a guy giving you flowers or a gift on the first date OR would you be flattered and think it is a gentlemanly thing to do? WHY?

• Gentleman, would you bring a girl flowers (or a gift) on a first date? What would your intentions be for doing this? OR do you disagree with this gesture and think it is a way for a guy to show off or ensure another date? WHY??

We want your opinions, comments, and examples! We know that you all have them!!

Kiss Kiss, Hug Hug,

D&L